


The Values of Being a Knight

by silence_since_silence



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Bravery, Canon Era, Friendship, Gen, POV Arthur, Pre-Magic Reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2015-11-30
Packaged: 2018-05-04 04:08:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5319902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silence_since_silence/pseuds/silence_since_silence
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur overhears part of the private conversation Merlin and Lancelot have in the castle of the ancient kings. Arthur speculates on the meaning of what he overhears as he tries to get information out of the two of them in the following days.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Values of Being a Knight

**Author's Note:**

> This fic brought to you by the word "snoring."

_I wonder if any of these new knights snore in their sleep_ , Arthur thinks to himself as they all lay on the floor near the fire in the castle of the ancient kings.

A noise across the room has him cracking an eye open to peek at the offender, but his disturbed wakefulness is short-lived when he sees it is Gaius who made the sound. Arthur could never hold anything against Gaius.

Aside from Gaius, though, if anyone else in the room makes sleep noises, Arthur plans to kick them out.

Arthur shuts his eyes again and moves through his muscle relaxation exercises. First the feet, then the calves, then the thighs –

Another noise breaks Arthur’s progress, but it isn’t any kind of snoring this time. It’s whispering, and Arthur cracks his eyes open again to see that Lancelot and Merlin are leaning toward each other in front of the fire. The looks on their faces are serious. Merlin looks around nervously at something Lancelot says. _That’s odd_ , Arthur thinks as he tries to look as though he is fast asleep so Merlin won’t notice him looking. It works, and Lancelot and Merlin continue their whispered conversation.

Arthur can hear a few words of every sentence.

Eventually, there is enough of a lull in the fire’s crackling and the rustling of everyone’s clothes against their mats to make it quiet enough in the room for Arthur to hear a full sentence. What he hears gives him pause. Lancelot looks very proud and a little resigned when he says, “You know, Merlin, you’re the one Arthur should knight. You’re the bravest of us all and he doesn’t even know.”

_What is that all about_? Arthur thinks. Sure, Merlin is a brave man, but the bravest of all of these men who Arthur has just knighted? What does Lancelot know about Merlin’s bravery that Arthur doesn’t? Or is Lancelot exaggerating? He looks so serious that Arthur doesn’t think so.

Arthur watches Lancelot and Merlin finish their conversation and lay back down. He puzzles over Lancelot’s statement for a while longer, then falls asleep himself.

In the morning, when Arthur and his group of new knights and long-time castle residents make finite plans of how they’re going to liberate Uther and maybe Camelot, Arthur pays attention when Lancelot asks for a guide to help him reach and disable the alarm bells before any intruder bell can be sounded. Arthur sees the look and the pregnant pause that Lancelot and Merlin give each other.

They leave Gwen and Gaius behind to prepare for anyone with injuries and press on through Camelot’s less guarded forests.

When they stop for lunch, Arthur tries every subtle rhetorical trick he knows to see if he can get Lancelot to give up some kind of hint as to what makes him believe that Merlin is so brave, but his efforts yield nothing. Maybe Arthur should have tried ordering Lancelot to answer him directly. Arthur probably would have gotten more out of Lancelot that way than he did by subtlety.

Next he tries Merlin, but Merlin keeps evading Arthur’s line of inquiry while reminding Arthur that they ought not to stay too long in their lunch spot because of the chance that they could be spotted by Morgana’s soldiers. By the end of their conversation, Arthur feels just as frustrated with Merlin as he always feels with any visiting king who comes for peace talks or trade negotiations and is _clearly_ holding something back; those discussions go around in circles because of the amount of time it takes for everyone to get on the same _page_ , and Merlin seems to have acquired this skill through all of his time serving Arthur at the negotiation table. Arthur considers leaving Merlin out of those talks in future, then he decides to devote his attention more toward their upcoming fight than his curiosity.

Later, when the immortal army bursts apart in front of Arthur’s face, he will think nothing of his new knight’s and long-time servant’s involvement. He will not even consider that they played a role in vanquishing this foe. Arthur will hear about the cup in the room and the way Gaius entered and emptied it before Morgause and Morgana entered and started their anger-driven destruction of the stones that hold up the citadel’s walls and grand ceilings. Arthur will give Merlin several hours of leave to help rehabilitate the people of the lower town who were hit hardest by Morgana’s hostile takeover and week of rule. Arthur will look out the window at a random moment in all the hustle and bustle and see a very familiar servant walking away from his and Gaius’ end of the castle with a large, long bundle that Arthur cannot begin to guess the contents of. Arthur considers following Merlin, but duties in the castle keep him from acting on that whim. When Merlin returns, his boots show signs of forest walking, and none of Merlin’s duties should have brought him to the forest that day. Again Arthur considers the direct approach, except, of course, this time it would be with Merlin instead of Lancelot. Arthur could simply ask about the people in the lower town who Merlin saw and helped.

Merlin is occupied with trying to get everything back into some semblance of order around Arthur’s chambers that evening when Arthur makes his decision. He knows that if he asks Merlin about the people in the lower town, Merlin will tell a credible story about what he and the others did while he was there. Instead, Arthur decides to make an offer.

“Merlin,” Arthur begins.

Merlin makes a sound of acknowledgement low in his throat.

“I want you to know that I greatly appreciate your participation in our efforts to reclaim Camelot. Lancelot assures me that even though the two of you did not reach the warning bells in time to _prevent_ their ringing, you were invaluable to the task overall.”

Merlin has stopped in the middle of picking up some scattered papers – it seems as though Morgana ransacked Arthur’s chambers but did not stay in them at all, – the better, Arthur assumes, to hear this speech of appreciation.

“I want to acknowledge my appreciation of your help to your face,” Arthur emphasizes.

“Thank you,” Merlin says. To Arthur, Merlin’s face looks a mix of flattered (flattered that Arthur would say anything at all, probably) and proud. Merlin’s smile says that Merlin is proud for more than one reason, though: it appears to be his proud-of- _you_ smile, and it is aimed directly at Arthur. Arthur saves that topic for another time.

Before Merlin turns away, Arthur continues. “I also want to tell you, Merlin, that if there is anything you want to tell me, I hope you _will_ share it with me.” Arthur doesn’t say _instead of keeping it to yourself_ because he knows that at least one other person knows something of what Merlin has not shared. The statement just wouldn’t be accurate, and saying that in particular would imply that Arthur knows less than he does. Arthur wants Merlin to think that Arthur has some idea of what Merlin is hiding even if _all_ Arthur really knows is that Merlin _is_ hiding something.

Merlin appears to be frozen where he stands. He has an odd look on his face. It looks to Arthur like Merlin is trying to keep his expressions in check, but Arthur can see a battle of “to share or not to share” mixed in with hope and fear on Merlin’s face anyway.

Then the stress of it seems to get to him, because all of a sudden Merlin looks like he is about to cry.

Alarmed, Arthur tries to calm Merlin down before the water at the bottom edges of his eyes can make its escape. “I do not mean to pressure you, Merlin. I hope you _will_ tell me, but I know that you – and everyone, for that matter – need to share in your own time. Just know that…” Arthur trails off. He and Merlin have never been very good at stating their feelings outright, and Arthur has already gone out on a ledge with this entire conversation.

Merlin takes it upon himself to pick up the thought where Arthur left off even though the thought was never completed. “Arthur, I am very glad to have you as a friend,” Merlin states bluntly, though they have never called themselves friends before. “Thank you,” he continues, “for being willing to listen when the time comes.”

At that, Merlin goes back to his effort to tidy up the room so Arthur can sleep there that night without the entire place being a tripping hazard.

Arthur continues to watch Merlin and wonder about the bravery Lancelot spoke of. The secret must be something painful if that bravery didn’t extend to sharing the secret during their conversation.

Arthur has no choice but to let it go for now. He gets back to worrying about supplies and resources for the kingdom, the town, and the castle; about his father’s state of health after the attack; and about Morgana out there somewhere with Morgause. Whatever comes, Arthur hopes Merlin’s bravery has something to do with all of that.

**Author's Note:**

> I was unable to fact-check some of the sequences of this conflict because of my current lack of access to full Merlin episodes. If you are the kind of person who notices these things and you see anything that looks to be out of order, please let me know so that I can make the appropriate adjustments. Of particular concern to me are the scenes in the castle of the ancient kings and the amount of time Morgana spent as queen of Camelot.


End file.
